So I had every intention of writing on my blog several times each week. I wanted it to be some type of fun, therapeutic release for me. But, alas, I am a lawyer so I have no time for fun and I am a mother so I have no time for me. In addition to using this type of writing as a release, I also wanted to keep family and friends posted on happenings in my life. As always, life has gotten in the way.
I have been swamped at work and Little G requires more attention every day. I work, I come home, I feed the animals, I deal with dinner, I make G’s breakfast and lunch for the next day, I clean up dinner, I play with G for a minute, I handle her bedtime routine, I pick out G’s outfit for the following day, I do a load of laundry or put laundry away, I vacuum up after the four shedding animals, I handle any legal work that I failed to complete at the office, I deal with mail, bills, or other miscellaneous financial tasks involved in my business, and I take a shower. That is my daily routine. Some days I also have to clean the litter box or take out the garbage. Some days I also have appointments or grocery shopping after work. It is a tedious grind, but it has to be done.
By the time the daily tasks are completed, I am exhausted. I also feel guilty about spending a mere ten minutes of quality play time with my daughter. That leaves me no energy or motivation to work on my still incomplete and under construction house and, sadly, no energy or motivation to write.
It is the inflexible and highly demanding life of a working mother.
So that is what has been going on in my life.
Writing used to be my release. I had fun writing. Then I entered the practice of law and writing became my job…technical, tedious, legalese-filled writing, every single day. Although I believe that my legal work makes a difference, my legal writing is not the type of stuff that people want to read for fun.
After having my daughter (which has been the awesomest experience ever), I returned to work full time. My personal life and professional life have clashed ever since. As someone who used to put all of her time into her career, it has been a difficult transition trying to split my time between my work and my family, while keeping each separate from one another. Both get some of my time, but neither gets enough for my liking. Even after being back to work for a year, I still struggle with it every day. Most days I feel like I am just getting by, but some days I feel like an absolute failure. I don’t have enough time for my family, my career, or my house. I don’t have any time for myself. I am so tired all of the time that when I walk past a storefront window, I don’t even recognize myself anymore. “Yikes, it’s a zombie…oh wait, that’s me. Ugh, I went out looking like this? Really?”
Which is why I’m here, writing this blog. I am going to make a conscious effort to put aside some time for me, even if it is only a couple of minutes a week. I want to write for fun again and focus on things that I find interesting. Selfish, I know, but too bad, it’s my blog.
I’m muddling through as a full time lawyer and a full time mother/wife, while also running a business and renovating a Victorian house. It is tough not having time to do everything, but I’m making it all work.
I gotta go. My daughter just knocked the floor lamp over on the dog.